It's Okay

There are a lot of things I think I have accepted. I accepted that I am mediocre, for example. I made peace that I also can be ugly, and I probably lie to myself often.

I accept that I care sometimes, and I accept that even if I care a lot I will still be selfish.

I accept that I am weak. I might have many things, I can do so many things. But I also think that it will be arrogant of me, to think that those things I have and do can make any difference.

Also I accept that I don't matter that much. That I am not really important. Replaceable. One among numerous existences in the whole universe.

For the most part, I know that I think like this for my own benefit. I know that it gives me peace, that's why it's so. I know it. Truly.

It gives me peace, sometimes to the extent it's liberating--to think that I am helpless. That there is so little that I can do. That the world will still be same without me. That everything will still be okay. That no matter how much I fucked up, there will be no actual catastrophe in a grand scheme of things.

However, when I remember my family and friends, I know I am loved. I know that I am treasured and I am cared for. That I am nothing like other existence in the world, and that for them, I am special. Might not be the most important, nor the most valuable, nor the best in anything, really. But to them I am something that matters. That to some extent, I have responsibility, and I have the power to make their life better or worse.

But, I would like to think that they too, will be okay without me.

I trust that they will.

And with that thought, I am at peace.

And I am free.